A Wonderful Day in Ontario Canada.

I wake up to the bright sunlight beaming through my window, stretch my arms and legs then rise from bed to meet the day head on. After a hearty breakfast I begin to complete a few chores before I venture out into the community. I have several cans and paper coffee cups to take outside but I can’t find any plastic bags to put them in so I can limit the number of trips to the garage. Realizing that I won’t find any bags because they have been banned by the municipal government I load up my arms and find that I can complete the task in two trips which really isn’t that bad. Next I walk out to my front yard and grab my new weed digger which I had to buy because the “weed and feed” fertilizer that I usually use has been banned by the Provincial government and in fact the sale of any pesticide for residential use has been prohibited in the Province. Once I had unearthed the 5 or 6 dandelions that had sprung up overnight I got in my truck and headed up town to do some shopping. I always strap on my seatbelt which is a wise thing to do but even if I only forget one time I know that it will cost me $250.00 because it is the law. Once on the road I hear my cell phone ring which is located in my right front pants pocket and by virtue of pure habit I hit answer and put the phone to my ear. Immediately before I could say “holy cow” I was pulled over by the phone police and given a $150.00 ticket for driving and using a cell phone which has recently been banned in Ontario. Oh well I guess the local gendarmes will put the money to good use. Next I pull into the parking lot and I see a young lady standing beside her car smoking a cigarette while her 10 year old daughter is sitting inside the car with the windows up. It then hits me, of course, this scene has been created by the recent ban on smoking in a car with a youth inside. Generally you would think this would be common sense but thank God we have the government to look out for us. After I get a few groceries I decide to buy some alcohol beverages and of course in Ontario I have to get out my GPS to decide “what is the best route to follow to limit my mileage while I complete this task?” You see I can only buy beer at the “Beer Store” or the “LCBO” however the LCBO and the Beer store sell different brands of beer so I have to look at my list to see where I should go. Thankfully I can buy wine at the Grocery store but it is generally limited to one winery so I have to go to the LCBO for most wines. You can’t buy liquor at the “Beer Store” but it is the only place you can return liquor bottles to recapture the deposit you paid when you purchase the liquor at the LCBO. It can be confusing but the Government says this is the best way to sell spirits so they must be right. Once I have conquered the alcohol challenge I decide to go and purchase some cigars which I enjoy from time to time with a nice glass of scotch. Once in the Smoke shop I look around and I can’t see any cigarettes or cigars on the shelves. When I ask the clerk he tells me that the Government banned the practice of showing the smokers the packages of cigarettes or cigars because it may entice them to buy. I said, “But this is a smoke shop! I came in here to buy smokes! Why would seeing the packages have anything to do with the desire to buy that I already possess?” The clerks answer had something to do with “the government knows best”. So I had to look in a book with pictures and descriptions to buy my cigars which seems like a lot more trouble but hey, who am I to say? Once I had my cigars I thought wouldn’t a nice beer and a sandwich followed by a cigar make for a nice lunch? I decide to go to a Road house that has a patio where you can sit outside to eat. Once I settled down in my chair and begin to read the menu a waitress walked up, saw my cigar and proceeded to inform me that I couldn’t smoke on their patio. When I asked why? I was informed that I could smoke at the restaurant next door because their patio wasn’t part of their main building (meaning their roof and sides weren’t connected) but because their patio was deemed to be part of the main building it was banned by the Government. Totally exhausted from meeting the day head on, I decided I had better return home and grab a nap before attempting a trip into Toronto where I would have to deal with a myriad of new taxes imposed by the city government. I realize that these taxes are for my benefit but it is difficult to remember how much money I have to take with me because of so many different types of taxes. Of course the Government has taken steps to make it easier to understand by merging the GST & PST which raises the tax on almost every service and many products by 8%. Thank goodness we have a Government that is sensitive to our needs.