Dead Beat Dads

First let me say that I do believe some men are victimized by the stereotype of these DB fathers. I also think that there are some women that stray far from the meaning of mother but the reality is that there are more dead beat Dads out there than any of the others. I have known two young ladies over the years who faced separations and divorces along with the added responsibility of young children. In one case the “Dad” walked out on Mom and son leaving them with nothing but a mountain of debt. Although she tried to forge agreements with debtors it was clear over time that the young mother would have to declare bankruptcy so she and her son could move on with their lives. Of course the ex husband and so-called father offered no help at all and preferred not to bother himself with the mundane task of caring for his child. Finally she got him into court and they agreed on a schedule of visitation for the father and an amount of money he would pay each month as his share of raising the child they had together. Right from the beginning he would miss paying his child support but was adamant about seeing his son when he wanted to see him regardless of Mom’s or the child’s schedules. When Mom complained he started to bad mouth her to their son and make her out to be the bad guy. Young children have no idea what is going on and because the mother wanted her son to have a father she made it a point not to say anything negative about the loser who called himself a “father”. She watched as this guy constantly broke appointments, failed to show up at the kid’s sports events and actually showed up inebriated one night to pick up his boy. Of course he blamed his drinking on his ex wife and the stress she was causing him. Meanwhile she was working full time to provide a decent living for her small family. This poor excuse for a man would use every tactic in the book to avoid paying child support such as, quitting his job every time they eventually caught up with him and tried to garnishee his wages. Finally, as the years passed and the boy grew up he realized what his Dad really turned out to be and while he still sees him he has little or no respect for him. On the other hand the bond between him and his Mom has grown even stronger and along with her “new guy” they have created a happy ending to the story.
The other story involves a mother with two young girls who found out after 5 years of marriage that her husband was a disturbed young man that had fooled everybody into believing he was a straight arrow. In truth he had no backbone and always found someone else to blame for his problems. While she was working and raising her children he was spending any extra money they had on drugs and parties. After putting up with this loser’s constant abuse and whining she finally threw him out only to find that he held her responsible for his life gone bad. His two little girls loved their dad and couldn’t understand why he didn’t want to live with them anymore. Of course we know what he told them and of course Mom had to listen to her own kids berate her over the loss of their father. Fortunately however she got out in time and now has also met someone who appears to love her and her kids. As the above story shows there can be happy endings if you constantly look forward to the future and let the past remain buried.
Being in your children’s life doesn’t make you their father. Caring about them enough to help support them in all ways including financially will. What kind of man walks away from his responsibilities as a father? The answer is “ No real man would”.