Call to Duty…………Dad

Mother’s day is approaching and to say that everyone is pretty clear on “mothers”, and the role they play in their children’s lives would be an understatement of generous proportions. Fatherhood, however, is another story and many fathers themselves struggle to truly understand what responsibilities they have in rearing kids these days. The conventional wisdom is so broad that it covers a huge spectrum from disciplinarian to best friend and 100 different things in between. The truth however can be summed up in two words, “ Leadership and Love”. These things became very clear to me as I transitioned from a father figure to a grandfather “wish-granter extraordinaire.” As a father I always wanted my kids to like me but many times this desire had to be put on the back shelf to make sure I was leading my sons in the right direction in respect to morals and social responsibilities amongst other things. As I look back I realize what I was doing now but not necessarily then because I was following some gut instincts, some learnings and mostly my own vision of what was right and what was wrong. I know I obviously made mistakes but that is where the “love” comes in because as your children grow older and have kids of their own they suddenly realize what you were trying to do back then. Hopefully some of it was right and has rubbed off on them so they have a gauge from which to operate so they can provide their kids with direction and life skills. God knows there are many pitfalls and traps to fall in such as the “Buddy Dad” syndrome. Many fathers want to be friends or pals with their kids rather than lead them, direct them and teach them. They want to share in their kids lives from a perspective of a buddy rather than a father and when the kids arrive in their teens they find out , much too late of course, that that is all their children see them as a ” good friend” but not a parent. Dads out there don’t get caught up in the “Please like me” obsession because this will make you feel better momentarily but will not help your child in any way. I always liked that saying that goes, Rule 1 “Dad is always right and Rule 2 “If you think Dad is wrong please refer to Rule 1”. Of course there is nothing wrong in admitting mistakes afterwards but the Rules must be the starting point to maintain discipline and provide leadership for young minds. They will survive your mistakes, believe me. I can attest to this by citing my own sons who have grown up to be excellent young men ( I may be a little biased). And one of the best benefits is that you can have your friendship with them they are adults and this relationship is 100 times better when their brains are mature and not full of mush at 10 years old. Moms have it so easy …oops sorry.