Is one really better than the other? Do the benefits of breast feeding
really outweigh the bottle? All of these questions played through my
mind as the time grew closer to having to make that decision. But was
it my decision? I would like to have thought so…However, I felt I was pressured into breastfeeding. If anyone reads this
and it helps a Mother to be make her decision then I’ll be happy.

The pressure of being a new mother is one I never understood until I
was faced with the reality. I was responsible for another life. A
little person both my husband and I created. We were given this gift of
life and now it’s my life’s work to protect and care for our angel.

Shortly after Timothy’s birth I was wheeled to my room where I was
left with my husband and our bundle of joy. Eventually a nurse would
come into the room to go through some paperwork. She then says,
“Okay let’s get that little one latched on.”
She proceeds to help me by squeezing the face of my very new baby and
pushing his head to my chest in such a way that he was screaming bloody
murder. There was no subtleness, no gentle touch and not much
explaining. Apparently the babies are not hungry at this stage, they
don’t really get hungry until a day or so later but it’s best to get
him latched on as early as you can. I was a mess!

From late evening to the next day my stay in the hospital wasn’t the
best. I was told by one nurse that I must get him to latch every 2
hours. “I’ll come and wake you so you can do it.” She would mash
his little head into my chest and he would scream again. I was not
feeling the bond that should I was told would be instant, and for those who said it was SO NATURAL...not even a little bit! I was so upset I didn’t
know what to do! Around 3am or soI called a nurse to
help me latch the baby as it was "time" to do so. Little did I know the nurse I had before was on break therefore I get Miss Congeniality. The nurse came to my room and said, “The baby’s not hungry, get some rest” The next day both my husband and I had become somewhat frantic about my leaving the hospital before I knew what
I was doing. Fortunately, there was a support group at the hospital so
I went to the class that afternoon. I found myself surrounded by women
who were breastfeeding their children. How could they ALL be on the
same schedule???? The class was somewhat helpful, the people were nice
and very welcoming but there was a child over the age of 1 and her
mother was still coming to the class??

A few days passed and my “supply” had not yet come in and we were
going back and forth to the hospital as Timothy was jaundice. In the
first week of his life he lost over 10% of his body weight.
To say the least breastfeeding was not going well for either one of us. He would scream for 30 minutes while I would try and get him to latch. He was starving
and there was nothing I could do about it, or so I felt. I asked the pediatrician
what I should do? He replied, “Supplement.” Supplementing quickly turned into his full time food feedings. I never gave up trying to breastfeed but it just didn’t
work for us. I found myself feeling worthless and less of a Mother. I
felt that everyone was judging me for not breastfeeding. I didn’t
want to go to the store with a bottle because of the looks I’d get. I
felt guilty about not having success.

I read an article in a local newspaper, Durham Parent. The woman writing the article told her horror story of the pressure to breastfeed and her not having success as well as becoming ill. She wrote about the
pressure Dr’s. and Woman’s magazines put on new mother’s. The
subject title would always begin, “If you love your child…?
She also stated all the while she was in the hospital they made her
pump. She was giving very little milk but the nurses kept telling her, “
Don’t give up now! She finally took control of her life and said to hell with all of you,I’m giving my baby a bottle and he will be just fine!
After reading the article I wanted to stand up and cheer. I wanted to
post it Dr’s offices all over the city.

I want women to know they do have a choice. Should you choose to bottle feed your baby it does not mean you love them any less. It does not make you less of a parent.

You do what is best for you and your family. As long as your child is
receiving proper nutrition, you will have a happy healthy baby.

Let me tell you all this. I love my child more than life itself. I
love him enough to do whatever I had to do to feed him. He was hungry!

(Side note: if you are reading this and you are getting ready to have a
baby, keep all visitors after the birth to strictly family…it’s a
special time but trust me it will be just as special the next day. Enjoy
the time with family and they then all go home friends visit the next
day).